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[09 Jul 2009|03:44pm] |
I'm all itchy.
I'm exhausted.
I am running on 2 hours of sleep.
I fell down the stairs yesterday.
It hurt.
It still does.
I feel as if I could sleep for weeks...wake up...
and still be tired.
In other news.
My cat rules the world.
One game board at a time.
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[02 Jul 2009|02:59pm] |
Soooo.....
I just updated my journal and ended up with a crazy IM from a
'yesterdayscoho' saying: RIP Billy Mays
....I had no idea who this person was.
They ended up yelling at ME for iming THEM about Billy Mays.
This has happened to me before...but from a salmon.
I finally googled my adventure and found out it happens often.
Some jerks from a "project upstream" link two people together thought AIM who update their blog. Only you do not see real screen names. They appear with 'Salmon' 'Trout' or 'Coho' in the name. And they always start with something ridiculous.
You end up getting mad at this person...only it is not their fault. They are mad at YOU too. Because it appears to them that you imed THEM first under a fake name.
So don't bother arguing with them....either delete or immediately tell them what happened.
http://www.guidetoworlddomination.com/2008/10/aim-coho-salmon-trout-bots/
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[02 Jul 2009|02:32pm] |
Saw that picture and it made me laugh too hard to resist.
Ohhh, I'm gonna miss that guy.
Watching him promote lame-o products that I end up wanting in one way or another.
Watching his cocky attitude on his Discovery channel show.
Drunkenly repeating to my cousin he has a Billy Mays beard.
I bought some mighty putty at a beach outlet last year as a joke.
I think I will use it in memory of the Mays.
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| been a while.. |
[23 Jun 2009|07:34pm] |
Can’t seem to outrun this headache.
Then again I can’t seem to outrun much these days.
I’m bogged down with class work and a mound of stress not many my age could ever grasp.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “hold on, things get better as time goes on”
I laugh when people say this as they clearly have no idea what the hell they are talking about.
Right about now it seems as if I’ve reached a plateau.
Money is tight, stress is high, strength is stretched, and patience is thin.
I never let go. As many days as I want to…I never even loosen my grip.
“Family members” like to talk about me. No familial contact in years…yet they still talk about me. Jealousy (on their part) abounds. I do not want to be connected to the unhealthy ridiculous mess those people slop around in. Such selfish human beings they are.
They talk about me yet they can’t even get up out of their own filth and provide for themselves. One still plays the same old mind games. The other sits nose deep into the computer monitor whilst sitting in a piss and shit encrusted chair in a room full of cat feces, cigarette butts, empty soda cans, and other human waste. The smell is so horrible it should just be boarded up and quarantined. My sister is nearly 26 years old, yet she has the social skills of a 12 year old boy. No job (save for a week and a half at the dollar store 6 years ago), no social life (well, 12+ hours on the computer playing a mindless video game), and absolutely no idea what personal hygiene means. She sits in that disgusting garbage heap of a bedroom, has my father buy her cigarettes, and eats anything that isn’t nailed down. Never mind the fact she contributes $0 to the universe she lives in—she expects to live this way. It’s vile and disgusting. I find it laughable (yet appropriate) she has a 30 year old virgin internet ‘boyfriend’ doing the very same thing in his household on the opposite coast. When my 14 year old sister was still living in that shit house, she had to beg to use the computer. 25 year old takes hissy fits and tantrums if she doesn’t get her 12 hour shift in front of the computer box.
To hell with it, they can destroy each other til there is nothing left. They really aren’t that far as it is. These are the same selfish individuals who care only about their own habits and wants yet run to someone else when crisis abounds. “Losing my house…give me money”…”have no food…give me money” “need cigarettes…give me money” “hey internet world, I can’t afford to play this game because I can’t get off my fat ass and get a job…feel my pain and give me money” “I need a computer…buy me one”
Any other motherf*cker in that situation would be working as many measly jobs as possible in order to earn bread to live on.
It’s really sad.
So really, when these people have a whole lot of trash to say about me—
I just laugh.
Because I’m 23, have a job, a mortgage (that gets paid), a good marriage (I highly suggest you marry your best friend…that way you already know each others bullshitting capabilities and move on in an argument real fast), and an education (that I pay for).
Add all that up…I have a future.
Things are slow and stressful. But I keep moving. I never stop moving.
I’ve been at this for years and I just keep building on top of what I learn each passing day, month, week, year.
Life and its obstacles have tried to slow me down before…
Keep on trying. You won’t break me.
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[06 May 2009|12:44pm] |
We are the fools of Time and Terror: Days
Steal on us, and steal from us; yet we live,
Loathing our life, and dreading still to die.
-Byron
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[24 Apr 2009|08:48am] |
I did this before. But I find the answers don't change for me.
1.) When I drink...I drink too much. I think the fact that I never puke when I drink means terrible things for my kidneys down the line.
2.) I wish I lived in the 40s. I have always loved pin-ups and vintage and everything in between.
3.) I have always been a voracious reader. I collect old books. My former drama teacher gave me a few books from his personal collection. They still remain among the most sentimental gifts I've received.
4.) It is easy for me to beat myself up. But then I stop and think of all I've accomplished so far at 23 and I gain hope for the future.
5.) If I weren't a fatty I'd choose to be in the roller derby.
6.) I tend to kick ass and take names.
7.) I love hockey and I go to a lot of games.
8.) I don't mind Delaware. Probably because I have extreme anxiety and hate the general public. Also, because it's a state with assholes, problems, and roads just like every single other state. If I had to live somewhere else it would probably be on a secluded farm in Maryland or PA. I probably wouldn't mind Massachusetts either. I enjoy the cold.
9.) I love fishing: Driving to the beach at 4 am, driving directly on the beach, and sitting on the shore tailgating with a fishing rod is one of my favorite things to do.
10.) In other words, buying surf tags for my durango was a brilliant investment.
11.) I am extremely protective and defensive of my little sister. It's my main goal in life to make sure she has a happy one.
12.) At the rate I am going, I don't think I'll ever find an office job that keeps me content. I hate politics.
13.) I tend to make a fool out of myself.
14.) I like that I can do almost anything on my sidekick instead of using the computer all the time.
15.) I enjoy being at home.
16.) I realize I don't have a whole lot in common with others in their 20s. It makes me both thrilled and sad.
17.) I do not like heights.
18.) Rick is the only person in my life to not crap out on me or become disinterested. I don't know where I'd be with out him and I am grateful I have him in my life.
19.) I love board games and find I don't get to play them enough.
20.) I think it's sad that no one can just be themselves anymore. I don't know why 'finding yourself' is an option. Have you not lived and breathed your entire life? I wish more people would stop looking everywhere else for answers. I wish they would just stop and breathe and realize "finding yourself" means becoming someone other than yourself.
21.) I love taking pictures. I love capturing the understated things in life. But I think people use the term 'photographer' too loosely. I certainly don't consider myself one just because I can click the shutter button.
22.) I am more sensitive than people think.
23.) Watching the news makes me lose all hope in humanity.
24.) I love being a passenger. Although I have to do it a lot, I really hate to drive.
25.) I hate when people try to be witty yet misuse terms. Example, "For all intensive purposes."
When I hear that I have to count to 10 and walk away.
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[22 Apr 2009|07:36pm] |
I saw a spider in the basement when I was doing my laundry....now I feel all cracked out and itchy.
We saw one last night and Rick found another one this morning. ALWAYS this time of year. When the April rains come the spiders try to find their way inside. We need to get to Home Depot for spray...STAT. Rick always uses this spray all around the house and outside the basement windows. It always helps. I just wish I didn't have to freak out over a bug first in order for him to do it.
Sometimes my innate girly qualities freak me out.
The other day we were laying in bed. Rick had worked 14 hours and wanted to nap in the afternoon. All the windows were open, all electronics were off, and the whole house was quiet. I looked over at him and said, "shhh....you can hear the birds....and feel the breeze...and there's a bug on the screen....WE'RE CAMPING!!!!!"
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| things |
[16 Apr 2009|02:39pm] |
neat things i want (but don't necessarily need) that cost $
a trip to Boston
running boards on my Durango
pete & pete on dvd
a vat of M&Ms
Torrid gift cards
money towards Ireland
money towards school (okay...I do need that...)
Things I want that take time (and patience.)
school to be over
less fatness
a better job
...which means an economy that doesn't blow.
Things I want that I'll never have
my Mom back
family I lost in general
lost friendships (but perhaps it is for the best?)
Things I don't want to depend on
money
...pretty short list.
Little things that make me happy (and appreciative):
pointless rides
random hello's
snail mail (real mail excluding bills)
inexpensive flowers
 my dogs
easy days
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| "Small Wonder" insanity |
[19 Mar 2009|02:07pm] |
Delaware is going straight down the porcelain pee hole.
Our lovely new Governor just gave his address.
*10% total wage cut for state employees (keep in mind they have not had a raise in 3 years.)
*45% tax increase on cigarettes (which is in addition to the 1.00 tax from the feds). I've never smoked so I really don't care. 50% tax on alcohol. I drink...but it is recreational so whatever.
*increase to public utility tax."The public utility tax is charged to all steam, gas, electric, telephone, telegraph and cable television services. The increase would gain the state $7 million next year and $9 million in 2011."
*SPORTS BETTING AND GAMBLING????
"Under Markell's proposal, the state would allow sports betting all three existing casinos and 10 additional locations, like sports bars, to be determined.
He is also recommending that the state permit construction of three new casinos in the state that later would be allowed to have sports betting.
In allowing casinos to have an added competitive element, he said he is recommending that the state take a larger share of video revenues.
The total expected gain from creating a sports betting program would be $55 million"
WE ARE THE SECOND SMALLEST STATE IN THE UNION! We have NO room for 3 casino's...the ones we have are more than enough!! And who the hell is going to bet at all these places with NO MONEY???
Not to mention the 25% increase in property taxes.
Rick and I are both looking for second jobs. This is fucking ridiculous. So your president gives you 14 bucks a pay yet your Governor takes away a 100...I'm sure that makes sense somewhere...
This country is getting more and more scary as the days go by...
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[13 Mar 2009|03:00pm] |
It’s that time of year again.
The time when “good” Christians make attempts to forgo treats for 40 days. I have mixed feelings about this as the act of “giving up” seems like a great idea…but seems totally wasted on the foolish.
Growing up, we followed a pretty strict routine during Lent. After all, Lent is supposed to be a time to renew your faith and reflect on yourself as a sinner. It used to be based on 3 practices, “prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbor)”
In laymen’s terms, Christians typically give up some sort of junk food or vice, actually attend service, and add a few dollars to the collection plate.
At home, we were required to give up a favored sweet, we fasted Ash Wednesday and every Friday thereafter (All day Friday with a small fish meal for dinner at night), and observed hours of silence for prayer and reflection. Like any other adolescent, this annoyed the hell out of me. Both of my parents were religious. We said prayer as a family every day, my mother said the rosary on a regular basis; we attended mass every weekend, etc. So when Lent rolled around I never understood how chocolate correlated with Jesus’ time spent resisting temptation in the desert.
Like I said, all of it seems like a great idea. But it seems more like a “game” or a “challenge” now.
Why is it easier for people to give up sweets and pizza than to try and work on their conscience and altruism?
I’ve witnessed others gossip, laugh at the homeless, snicker, and continue to act selfish. Yet they believe they are SELFLESS because they hold off on dessert?
Poor Jesus.
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[24 Feb 2009|02:57pm] |
 R.I.P.: Fred and Bob
You never knew what was coming to you.
If it's any consolation....you were delicious.
I've had lobster before but this is the first time I had it directly from Maine. A few pilots from the local airport flew up to Maine, bought lobster, then flew back to little old Delaware. The best part is the place was so busy they literally bought 30 lobster right out of the water.
Fred and Bob here came to my place for dinner. Only they didn't know they would be the main course.
Because I cannot befriend something then eat it (I'm working on my sensitivity) Rick made everything. He added salt and wine to the water first (someone might have dropped a few hints) so they really tasted great. He also bought shrimp, peeled them, and sauteed them in a little butter and garlic. Then he cut up fresh green beans and cooked them in olive oil and chopped garlic (just the way he was taught. We love garlic in this house).
For a blue-collar worker with dirty hands he delivered a damn good plate.
I don't even care that we ate off our old dishes.
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[10 Feb 2009|03:04pm] |
I'm never going to be that girl.
You know the one...
who is always put together.
Wrinkle-free clothes, flawless makeup, every hair in place.
Graceful mannerisms, big toothy smile, with a pep in her step.
No...
I'm the girl who spills coffee on herself and has to make a split second decision on how to creatively hide the spot.
I have hair with a mind of it's own. When it's Au natural it's curly and frizzy. When I spend hours trying to tame it...it's lifeless and dull.
I am always rushed and scatterbrained.
I run out the door in sneakers without socks.
I don't know what to do with my hands.
I bite my lip.
I bite my fingernails.
I fidget.
I'm unorganized.
I'm awkward.
I don't know anything about "fashion week"
I can't tell you the difference between Prada or a Jimmy Choo.
What the hell is a Jimmy Choo?
Why does anyone care?
I drink cheap coffee and use Lipton tea bags.
But I'm still the same person I've always been. The girl with the big heart and thick skin.
The girl that loves a good story and a long talk. Who would do anything for someone in need.
I'm also the girl who's been fucked over, talked about, and snickered at.
But I take it all in stride because I'm the real me.
And I'm okay with it.
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[04 Feb 2009|09:08pm] |
My dog woke me up this morning to let me know there was a bird in my kitchen.
I have no idea how it got in as there are no holes/open windows/etc. in my home.
It kept ramming itself into the window in order to escape. I felt a huge surge of sadness for the bird (mixed with an innate fear the thing would swoop down and peck me to death).
It found my skylights and tried to escape from there also. But it seemed to prefer the window/ceiling fan.
I opened the deck door all the way and waited a half hour for it to find it's escape.
It seemed like it knew it's exact destination.
I can't help but wonder what the hell this means. I've had a lot of weird encounters these past few days.
I had a dream my entire ear came off in my hand. There was no blood or gaping wound. In the dream I knew it was strange to be holding my own ear. I remember how hot and alive it felt in my hand. I kept squeezing it and moving it. I contemplated whether to leave my gauge in it or not.
I woke up sweaty and bewildered.
As absurd as the whole thing was, I can't seem to shake it.
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[03 Feb 2009|02:53pm] |
I’m turning over a new leaf. In fact, I decided on planting a whole new tree.
"But, when nothing subsists from a distant past, after the death of others, after the destruction of objects, only the senses of smell and taste, weaker but more enduring, more intangible, more persistent, more faithful, continue for a long time, like souls, to remember, to wait, to hope, on the ruins of all the rest, to bring without flinching, on their nearly impalpable droplet, the immense edifice of memory. "
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[29 Jan 2009|10:16am] |
More Genius Parenting
While in the mall yesterday (against my will) I noticed several seemingly mentally challenged Mothers out and about.
The actions of moronic Mothers infuriates me. Example: if it is 20 degrees outside and you are wearing a heavy winter coat, gloves, scarf, and hat....WHY IS YOUR 6 MONTH OLD IN A ONE-PIECE AND SOCKS?!?!
When I see this I want to scoop up the baby, smack the shit out of the parent, and run away.
The winner of yesterday's trip was this little gem:
Rick, my sister, and I were walking towards the exit near JcPenny's. keep in mind it is 2 p.m. on a Wednesday. The mall is not crowded at all. A woman is pushing her small child (I'm guessing 1 yr old) in a stroller. She is on her cellphone and trying to lap us (why I do not know) so she begins to walk extra fast so that she is on our heels. We get the point so we move out of the way. She starts walking faster and *BAM* the kid comes flying out of the stroller (*GASP* mother of the year never buckled her in) and FACE PLANTS on the floor. The kid is hysterical (and so are we from laughter) and the bitch just leaves the kid there while she hangs up the phone.
It saddens me these people exist. They drive on our roads, vote, and even work.
*shudders*
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| Fun |
[23 Jan 2009|08:21am] |
The other day Rick and I were at Don Pablo's for lunch (we had a gift card).
There was a woman behind me eating by herself talking really loud on her cellphone. It was annoying how loud she was talking. She talked on the phone even as she gave her order to the waitress.
oh well....it seemed worth it because in the end I heard this little gem:
"No..No..first I'm going to eat, then I'm going to have a couple of margarita's, then I'm going to pick up the kids"
OH GOOD.
I couldn't stop laughing. I left before she did but in my mind I imagined she walked out of there with a margarita in her hand and her cellphone in the other. She proceeded to throw her keys at the door of her soccer Mom van with the Jesus fish on the bumper. She's so belligerent, waiters come out of the restaurant and throw her in the back of her van. She wakes up hours later in a puddle of drool only to realize it was 8 pm. Meanwhile, her kids are sitting on the steps of school with snot on their faces in hysterics.
One can only hope.
Ohhhhhhhh, I slay me.
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[15 Jan 2009|01:58pm] |
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I’m feeling scattered but I’d like to update: *Rick’s knee surgery was Friday. He is doing well and off for a while. He starts therapy soon. While I was in the waiting room reading my book I noticed an elderly woman (70’s) across the room. Suddenly, a LOUD burst of techno music starts. I realize it belongs to her shiny pink razor cell phone. I had to stop myself from lol’ing because the Boost Mobile, “Where you at” commercial popped into my head. This is proof positive that old people really are groovy. *We are going to Atlantic City for a few nights on the 23rd for Alissa’s 23rd birthday. *We are going to Washington D.C. sometime before February. I’m looking forward to it. *Rick gets to hobble around with his bum leg. Which means I’m in charge. Whammy. *Finished the computer room. Nearly finished the bedroom. I feel like such a grown up. The bathroom is going to be done sometime soon too…I hope. *Dropping this semester of school. I am really frustrated about it. But I am unable to commit to it at this time. I hope to take 2 during the summer. My advisor gave me courses that are linked at Deltech. He told me to take a few of those to save money if I want. I just might. 900 bucks for a class is killing me. I hope taking the semester off doesn’t mess with my loan. If human beings actually handled calls at Salliemae instead of robots I might be able to get my questions answered. *Maybe I’ll get my degree by the time I am 35. *We’ve been playing an exorbitant amount of Rockband. Rick plays drums with his left food so it doesn’t bother his other knee. He’s a beast. *It’s really cold outside. I don’t mind. *losing weight blows. *Craislist has become a complete sham for job searches. As a matter of fact, Monster, Hotjobs, and careerbuilder are nearly as bad. They all have a plethora of scam jobs. Screw it! *Talking to snobby-asshole business owners on the phone is bumming me out. I actually miss talking to criminals and welfare recipients right now. *I tend to be a Jack n Coke kind of girl (when I’m not touring wine bottles). It fits my needs and accomplishes my goals. But Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka is GOOD. It’s from South Carolina and brewed the Southern way. So go…IMBIBE! (If it reaches a distributer near you. If not… ha ha!)
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| 2009 and already full of fire. |
[02 Jan 2009|01:30pm] |
My social anxiety has seemed to increase over this past year. I attribute it mainly to how many friendships I've been burned by. I lost a lot of relationships this year. Perhaps it was all for the best. I'm extremely cautious of the company I keep.
I enjoy having little to no drama in my life. I have enough of it swarming around my family I don't need it thwarting friendships too.
It's 2009. I feel redundant in saying "so much has changed." It has...but don't most of us say that?
This country is in a scary place right now. I find comfort in knowing I have someone who loves me and has been a true back bone these past 7 years.
2008 was full of heartache, heartbreak, death and insight.
If anything, my perception's been sharpened and I'm thankful for that.
So bring on 2009--I'm more than ready.
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[02 Jan 2009|01:24pm] |
This deserves it's own entry due to the sheer hilarity of it.
I went to wawa for lunch today. I sat in my truck with my rice pudding and the heat on blast. Note the temperature is 30 degrees and it's snowing.
I witnessed a young, thin, blonde woman not wearing a coat. I did notice she was wearing a t-shirt with "genius" on it.
Oh how the little things in life amuse me.
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[05 Dec 2008|09:33am] |
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So Steven and I took a trip up to Plymouth Meeting, PA to the 'Campout for Hunger' the other day. I was on the road to his house by 7 am.
We brought lots of food with us to donate. Apparently we donated 550 lbs of food. I'm amazed a Honda Civic can even hold 550 lbs. of food---but apparently it can. We would have taken my Durango but he has the trusty GPS unit in his car.
It was a lot of fun and brought about many good feelings. When we pulled up military guys (sorry...not sure what branch) started unloading the car for us. It was insane to see all the boxes filling up. There were strangers helping strangers. It really was a moving experience. While I was attempting to pick up canned goods I hurt my finger. 30 pounds of beans came crashing down on my finger. So it was pinned between the boxes and the trunk latch. Ouch.
Luckily, it was 30 degrees outside and I was numb. Now I have a pretty blood blister under the skin. Gross.
Afterwards, we came back to Delaware and grubbed at Lucky’s on 202. If you have never been there—get off your ass. The scrapple was delicious! (Those of you that do not know what scrapple is…you are missing out. Well…unless you don’t eat meat) This whole entry is scattered and pointless. All I really wanted to say is giving felt great. While I cannot do that much all the time I’d like to start doing more where I can. We were freezing and tired but it was more than worth it.
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pixxxieofdoom's journal
